Author Archives: Terri

Getting started on the 50

Posted on June 7, 2009 | Comments Off

Believe it or not, I have only come up with 20 things for my challenge list so far! 😆 It’s harder than I thought it would be. There’s a mix of things (there’s no particular priority or order) and I’ll be putting them in their own tab to keep track but so far I’ve come up with:

1. ankle tattoo (I have a great design in mind and am meeting with the artist this coming Saturday. This tattoo will be at the beginning of my 50th year.)
2. lose 50 pounds (I’ve already started on this!)
3. back tattoo (I have some design elements I’ll be putting together. Some more of that ‘this is who I am stuff. Right now there are 4 elements involved…barbed wire, peace rose, dagger, and the Marine Corps emblem 😉 This will be at the end of my 50th year.)
4. re-learn to ride motorcycle (it seems almost every guy I ever dated had a motorcycle. I learned to ride on a dirtbike. Kahuna has a Harley but since I think it’s too heavy for me, I don’t know how I’m going to accomplish this, but we’ll figure something out.)
5. pay off CC #1
6. pay off CC #2
7. pay off CC #3
8. pay off CC #4
9. pay off CC #5 (all 5 of these CC’s carry small to medium balances that I tend to pay off and then recharge. I’m determined to pay them off and cancel them this year.)
10. purge closet (hopefully this will be easy with that 50 pound weight loss I’m working on.)
11. stitch ( 😆 how sad is it that I have to add this to my list?)
12. intro an author a week on blog ( I’m starting this one today.)
13. blog 2x a month
14. go to gym weekly
15. bike
16. swim
17. run
18. 5k (I skipped last year because of my PF issue, but I’m hoping to participate in the Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving)
19. eat more organic
20. Change my ‘puppy’ avatar 🙁

So that’s what I have so far. I’d love suggestions. I’m having brain freeze!

The reduced working hours have worked out okay the first week. I think Boss is going to have more problems adjusting than me 😉 I made it to the gym twice last week. I had plans for Tuesday, we went out on Thursday, and Friday was supposed to be a gym day, but we settled a H.U.G.E. case Friday morning and we went out for margaritas at lunch. I hope I can find what I filed after that 😆 Needless to say I didn’t attempt the gym after drinking alcohol.

Friday night we went to a small Mexican food place just opened on the base. The food was cheap and very good! After that Kahuna and I finished off a half-bottle of Patron…one shot at a time.

Saturday was a do nothing day for me and with the exception of running out to COSTCO and doing some laundry, I did just exactly that…nothing. Today was much the same, except Kahuna and I hit up Henry’s for some groceries. (oh wait! another something for my list!)

As to my posting authors, a word of caution. I have some very adult tendancies when it comes to what I like to lose myself in. I spent too many years reading college books and my mind is majorly in the ‘gutter’ so to speak now that I read for pleasure so forewarned is forearmed 😉 Also remember….this is who I am. If you have a question regarding a subject matter you may get introduced to, I’m always happy to discuss it OFF THE BLOG. Just post a comment and I’ll email you if you don’t already have my email address.

My first author is Maya Banks …. Enjoy 😉

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Posted in Life, Reading

Howdy neighbor

Posted on June 1, 2009 | Comments Off

Today is June 1st and I have started a major countdown. Actually the countdown has been ongoing in the back of my brain since the beginning of the year, but today it’s serious. My birthday is coming up (so’s my anniversary). Now for the past 49 years it’s never bothered me that I’m having a birthday. I’ve never been one to care about telling anyone my age, and actually I still don’t mind, but this year my birthday is actually scaring me. I think I’m about to have my mid-life crisis!! 😆

To celebrate this momenteous occasion, I’ve decided to keep with the BIG number theme. Between today (not my birthday) and my birthday in 2010, I’m going to accomplish 50 things. I’ll be posting that list in a few days.

I’ll be upfront now and state that two of those things involve something I’ve let go of over the past 6+ months. I’m going to attempt to post to my blog at least weekly and I’m going to be getting back in contact with two very dear women I’ve neglected horribly over the past 8 months. You two know who you are 🙂

Things are going okay with Kahuna and I. His race season started out with a bang and he has two races done fo this year. Miss Harley Quinn attended the second race with us and was quite the hit with the men. She’s a definite hunk magnet 🙂

I found out last Thursday that my hours were going to be cut at work and I’m determined to look at it as a good thing. When I was originally hired 14 months ago it was for 30 hours a week. The paralegal I work with has just now been released to return to work for 6 hours a day so I’m ratcheting back to 30 hours a week starting today. I’m planning on taking major advantage of it….I went to the gym, straight from work today. I’m thrilled to death that my plantar faciatis is completely gone. I had it for 18 months!!!! Anyway for the past two weeks I’ve managed to drop 5 pounds just cutting back on some bad eating habits I’d picked up. I’m actually looking forward to seeing what I can accomplish adding in the exercise. Kahuna and I have hit the weights a couple of times of the past couple of weeks, but now I’m going to crank that up as well. I hope someone is still reading my blog and will volunteer to help keep me honest and keep posting.

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Posted in Fitness, Puppies, Weight, Work

Life marches on

Posted on March 19, 2009 | Comments Off

I realized today that it’s been about a week since I last cried. It’s easier to talk about Bandit — meaning I don’t start crying as soon as I do so. I had my camera out this weekend and found some pictures I forgot about taking. They did ‘hitch’ my heart a bit, but not enough to make me cry. I still haven’t dreamed about him though and I wonder if that’s a good or bad thing. I used to dream about him all the time (sometimes having horrible nightmares). We’ve moved a few things, and put a few things away. We got rid of his ‘throne’ this past weekend. It was rather disconcerting to go out into the garage and see it in pieces so it would fit in the trash bin. A chair has been put in its place. His baby blanket sit folded neatly on the arm of my stitching chair but it no longer smells like him to me. Harley gives it a good sniff when she sits with me, so I think she can still smell him. His collar and tags are still sitting in the bottom of my purse, from that awful day. Eventually I’ll take them out, but I’m not quite ready for that.

Harley seems to have come out of her ‘funk’ a bit. She was running circles around the backyard last night wearing herself out. Bandit used to pounce on her when she started ‘racing.’ She’s so happy to see us when we get home in the evenings. She’s eating regularly, and has even picked up a couple of Bandit’s ‘bad’ habits — sassing us when she wants attention and we’re ignoring her; demanding a treat at that special “time” in the evening when we forget what time it is; banging her food bowl around when it’s empty (even if she’s just eaten a few minutes ago). She never was much of a tail wagger and we’ve noticed that she wags her tail a lot more.

I’ve started thinking about stitching again, even going so far to plan out a new start last night. If things go well this weekend, I’ll start pulling supplies and share my thoughts on what I want the finished project to look like. It may take me awhile to get organized since I haven’t stepped foot in my craft room since December.

Kahuna has started training again.

We’ve started house hunting again.

Life marches on. Some steps are just shorter than others.

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Posted in House hunting, Puppies, Stitching

Love lost

Posted on March 9, 2009 | Comments Off

Thank you all so much for your hugs and comments. I’ve wanted to post again, but it’s still very hard for me to think about. I wish I could say that we’re doing better but we’re really not. I cry at the drop of a hat and I’m sure before this post is over I’ll be bawling again. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so much sorrow.

We talk about Bandit every day. I think we’re both having just as hard a time accepting how much this has affected us. There have been very few nights when that last morning hasn’t played through my head while I try to go to sleep — and yes, I’m beating myself up over my lack of action. Kahuna has stopped training…and that’s upsetting me as well since I know how much his racing meant to him.

Bandit was having his teeth cleaned when he died — this was the 3rd time in his 5 years he’d had them cleaned.

The autopsy came back not finding anything except Bandit’s heart being a teensy bit larger than normal (they’re usually 1% of body weight and his was 1.3%). That didn’t surprise me at all since I already knew he had a big heart. The Dr. feels Bandit had a seizure ‘episode’ while under and that’s what happened. He had had 2 seizures, that we were aware of. One around Thanksgiving, if I remember correctly, and the other December 30. We had him in the vet (seeing the same Dr.) on the 31st and the doctor told us that even though they couldn’t find evidence of a seizure in any of his labs he was treating him as a seizure dog — meaning he was being overly cautious with any medications, etc.

I wish this could make me feel better but it doesn’t. The last time I saw Bandit alive was of the tech walking him through the door to the back. He was more scared than usual and was clinging to me. I even made a joke to Kahuna that they only way they’d get Bandit off me was if they pried his claws out of my shoulder, he was hanging onto me that hard. When he walked away I saw him go down on the floor, like he had done in the past when he’d had a seizure, and I remember telling Kahuna what I saw; he asked me if I wanted to go check on him; and I told him no, that if he was having a seizure then they would bring him back and not do his teeth. 3 hours later the vet was calling me to tell me that he’d stopped breathing and his heart had stopped and I could hear them doing CPR on him in the background. I told the vet to stop because I didn’t want them to hurt him.

When I got to the vet they had Harley waiting on me. I was very surprised how upset everyone was. The vet was crying, the tech who had cleaned his teeth (then gone to lunch not knowing what was to happen immediately after) was bawling and hugging me. Kahuna arrived not too long after that (I had to send the Marines out to hunt him down, since he was out running) and then they brought my sweetie baby to me all wrapped up in a blanket.

I used to hold him like a baby and sing “You Are my Sunshine” to him. He loved to be held and was a true ‘blanket’ dog, not liking to be cold, and we have blankets strewn all over the house that he would snuggle in and under. It just broke my heart how cold he was while I held him and snuggled him and rocked him – and when I looked for the last time into his whiskey colored eyes, they were solid black. That’s when it really hit me that my Bandit was gone. We let Harley sniff him and you could tell she knew. I don’t know how long I sat there, maybe an hour, but it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, giving him back knowing that I’d never see him again.

To top it all off we feel like we’re losing HarleyQuinn as well since her personality has started changing being the only spoiled princess in the house. We’ve started discussing getting a rescue so she’ll have someone to play with since she’s obviously lost without Bandit. We don’t want a male though because we don’t want another male to try to ‘boss’ her.

Yesterday we grilled and played fetch for hours. We have a new, larger, fenced in backyard and it’s sad thinking how much Bandit would have loved the extra room to run in. Everything always seems to lead back to him. I find myself feeling very fragile. I can remember telling Kahuna as soon as he walked in the door at the vet’s office “I have no more strong left” and that’s exactly how I feel. Used up. No more ‘give-a-shit’ left. I catch myself staring off into space and cannot even remember if I was thinking about anything.

It’s been almost 4 weeks now. I finally got up the nerve to call the vet and reschedule Harley’s teeth appointment. I’m sick to my stomach thinking of the same thing happening with her.

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Posted in Puppies

I lost part of my heart today

Posted on February 11, 2009 | Comments Off

Terribelle’s Heartbandit
August 26, 2003 – February 11, 2009

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Posted in Puppies

What are you giving up?

Posted on October 8, 2008 | Comments Off

I keep reading about how so many people are giving up things in these ‘hard economic times.’ I haven’t decided yet if I’ve truly given anything up because of the ‘hard economic times’ or if I’m just not spending because of that lack of joy thing I mentioned in an earlier post, or because I’m saving my money for an upcoming trip to Hawaii with my BFF and another friend.

Have you given up anything because of the economy?

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Posted in Life

So, where was I? Oh, yeah!

Posted on September 20, 2008 | Comments Off

Thank you for your emails this past week. I’m sorry I turned off comments, but I just didn’t want to have a bunch of comments that made me feel like everyone felt sorry for me. I don’t feel sorry for myself that I’ve made this decision – in fact, I’ve had a great stressfree week, knowing what I had waiting for me the upcoming weekend.

This is the first Saturday in a long time that I have absolutely no obligations. The ONLY thing I have to do this weekend is go grocery shopping. That leaves lot a ton of room for catching up on my DVR’d stuff, stitching 😉 and maybe a load of laundry or two. I do plan to ride this weekend though.

Kahuna has been fighting off ‘pneumonia’ since the weekend before last. He finally went to the doctor and had his lungs xrayed this past Thursday. Thankfully they are clear. He got pneumonia (for the first time) in bootcamp 100 years ago and didn’t have it again until about 1999, when he got it twice in a 3 month span and has had it (what feels like) every other year since then. It scares me and I get all hovery and naggy about going to the doctor. So he’s hanging out in the garage doing some tweaking to his tri-bike instead of surfing like he really would rather be doing trying not to cough up a lung.

I watched the first episode of Fringe bright and early this morning and thought it good enough to keep watching it. In the past I seemed to miss out on a lot of early showings because we go to bed so early and everything is on at 10:00 p.m. here. That’s changed a bit since we finally broke down and got a DVR. I have a couple of West Wing DVDs waiting for me to stitch to today, and this afternoon will find me in front of the TV watching the LSU/Auburn game. Need I say . . . Geaux Tigers?

So, where was I?

Training – I finally bit the dust and rode on heavy traffic roads this week. The first attempt I swear there were a couple of times I actually closed my eyes and prayed that I wouldn’t get run over. There are a LOT of road-ragers living here that hate cyclists. I survived and will do it again this week – at a further distance. Kahuna goes with me and that helps me feel safe. At least if I get run over, I’ll have a witness 😉

Work – going okay. The paralegal who went out on extended sick leave 2 weeks after I started returned about 4 weeks ago to work 4 hours a day. It’s definitely taken a lot of work load off me and I’m starting to get a tiny bit into what I was hired for…personal injury litigation. I’ll miss the criminal work, though.

Reading – I’ll be updating my Books tab (up top) some time this afternoon. I have several things to add. I even read the Twighlight saga twice over the past month. I’m looking forward to the movie release in December. Have I said lately how much I love my Kindle? Right now I have some books by James Grippando waiting. I like his books that feature the character criminal defense attorney Jack Swyteck. The first book in the series is The Pardon.

Stitching – working on French Alphabet Sampler this weekend. Before and after photos will be posted soon-ish. I’m pondering what to take with me to Hawaii next month. Probably Hannah Beebe since I’m embarrassingly behind (read = not even started) in the stitch-a-long I started and am thinking of also taking Mimi’s Tape Measure kit. I’ve also pulled out 3 things to have Jill Rensel frame and will make a final decision on that by the end of the weekend.

Stash – I added to my collection this week too. I’ve just now started collecting the Drawn Thread Chartpacks for Sampler of Stitches and received ABC and DEF. I also got Homespun Elegance Delivering Needlewares and Home is Where You Hang Your Needleswork; and Katidid Designs Come Gather (the colors match my dining room).

Puppies – they *trapped* a gopher this morning. It was on the other side of the fence and was a very brave critter. Every time it popped its head out of the ground Harley would spaz and bark like there was a grizzly bear over there. Bandit supervised the whole time. Kahuna said it even kept poking its head out of the ground at him when he was getting the trap ready to push into the tunnel. It was rather a large one as our gophers go and it’s now in the trash bin waiting on the Monday morning garbage truck. It was hard work and the puppies are now recouperating in the sunbeams coming through the windows.

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Posted in FAS, LSU, Puppies, Reading, Stash, Stitching, Training, Work

What is your joy?

Posted on September 15, 2008 | Comments Off

I have been going through a lot of personal stuff lately and really didn’t want to blog about it in case doing so became influential over what decisions needed to be made. Very little of it has been *bad* so to speak, just *stuff* that needed dealing with and decisions needing to be made. Most of it has been drudge, like cleaning out closets and dressers and giving stuff away, decluttering (still) my office and other areas of my house, financial decisions, etc.

My *litmus test* was whether or not the thing I needed to make a decision over gave me joy. It made some of the decisions very easy to make when I allowed only that aspect of it to rule. So, what is my joy?

First and foremost Kahuna. I don’t think I would be able to breathe if something were to happen to him.

The puppies. They always know when I need a snuggle – and even when I don’t need one they are still always there to love on.

Son. Not so much joy in that department lately. He’s trying to put a lot of guilt on his parents right now and we’re not buying it, but it’s still been difficult for me to deal with.

Reading. I’ve been doing so much reading since I bought my Kindle. I absolutely love it and wag it with me everywhere! Usually the most reading I do though is during my lunch break at work and then 10-15 minutes here and there.

Riding my bike. New joy! I don’t get to ride it as often and I’d like but I can see me continuing to do so for a very long time.

Swimming. A born-again-joy. I loved swimming in high school and am so glad that I’m back to it. Again, I don’t do it as often as I’d like and am trying to change that.

Stitching. Not any joy here at all. And herein lies my major problem.

I cannot live my life without the joy that stitching brings. It is the most calming factor in my life and I have solved many a problem while stitching. I have sacrificed this major joy for the running-biking-swimming thing and now the joy of those things is slipping away. So finally this weekend I decided that after October’s race, I probably won’t do another triathlon (I cannot say ‘never’).

The running is okay by myself because I don’t have to focus on anything around me…just run. Biking I have to pay attention or get run over by someone who either doesn’t know, or refuses to believe, that cyclists have the same road laws as motorists. Swimming I have to pay attention or I breathe at the wrong time and then there’s that whole drowning thing. Biking and Swimming are not something I enjoy doing by myself because of the social and safety aspects of both. There’s no one for me to train with here and I find that I don’t enjoy it. No joy.

So I’m going back to being a volunteer at Kahuna’s races and will become a dedicated triathlete widow (I’m even going to buy the T-shirt that proclaims this!) and all-around jockstrapper. I’ll ride and swim as often as I’m able and I’ll get back to stitching! It was amazing how relieved I felt when I finally made *that* particular decision.

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Posted in Life, Races, Stitching, Training

Are you enjoying the Olympics?

Posted on August 19, 2008 | Comments Off

I thoroughly enjoy watching the swimming, triathlons, track and field, etc., but the gymnastics this year has been full of drama and surprise. If you enjoy gymnastics, you may enjoy these:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oBPjhB9d3jc]

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tu-YAMiS5wA]

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EO_BnsrWMnI]

As a postscript. Thank you for your comments, and private emails, over my clothing dilemma. I especially want to thank Glenna for your link to junonia.com. I have looked at that site a hundred times, but they didn’t carry ‘true’ triathlon-wear. It looks like they’ve changed some, which gives me more options. One note about their triathlon shorts. They are NOT padded, so they’re really just compression shorts. I did receive some shorts from the site I posted about and they fit wonderfully. I ordered 2 different sizes and am pleased to say that I have to return the larger of the two and am going to exchange them for a smaller size. Still working on a top, but I think I have that figured out. In any event, can you hear the sigh of relief?

I went out on a very short (1 mile) bike ride with Kahuna this evening. He’s giving me pointers, which I really need. The main one is that I need to start riding every single day between now and the race — which by the way is exactly 2 months from today! Eek! I’m still wobbly, and he’s worried I’m going to piss off the more experienced racers. I don’t want to do that but a little part of me is thinking that this race *is* a beginner’s type race, so the more experienced racers should probably expect for we novice folks to inconvenience them somewhat…but again, I don’t want to do that.

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Posted in Training

The little things that have been bugging me

Posted on August 11, 2008 | Comments Off

Warning – this blog is going to end in a rant 👿

I’m on my mini-vacation and right now I think I’m going to need a mini-vacation to recuperate. I had a ton of plans for the first 4 days and no plans at all for the last 2. The first 4 days (Thurs – Sun) included a Thursday night at Phantom of the Opera as a late birthday present from Kahuna, a Friday evening wedding/reception for a beautiful person, Kahuna’s Saturday sprint at Camp Pendleton (where he took 1st in his age group for the military division), tri-club network meeting that same evening, and movie and jazz concert Sunday afternoon/night. We had talked about going to the race track for Monday but the two of us are pooped from being gone every single evening and most all of the day Saturday and Sunday.

You notice there’s no mention of any training in there for me, right? All my plans went out the window. I thought I would be home more, but nope. However, today I took Silver out for a ride with the new-to-her fat-bottom girl seat and it was tons better. I’m definitely going to need some butter, but using the tri-shorts I was able to find in *Athena* size will be okay. I have been terribly worried that I was going to fail my first attempt at a triathlon because of that bike seat. I didn’t really admit how scared I was until I got on it this morning (and adjusted it about 3 times) and actually was able to take a quick ride around my neighborhood in less than 5 minutes.

The next thing I need to work on is what top to wear. I have found a sleeveless plus-size top, that zips up the front, but it has a collar so I’ve decided to order it and take it to a tailor to have the collar removed. I think doing that, plus wearing the tri-shorts I found at Aero Tech Designs, will allow me to not have to stress about what I’m wearing during the swim inside the wetsuit (which is another whole ball of worry).

I’d like to give a shout-out “thank you” to another triathlete for posting in her blog about a place to rent a wetsuit – but I can’t. (I’ll be calling them in a week or two to discuss what I’m looking for). So, why can’t I? Her blog was changed while I was on hiatus to ‘invite only’ and I could no longer read her posts. It seems some people just are so unkind to *fat* people and the comments she received caused her to make her blog by invite only and eventually completely delete it. It saddens me because she was an interesting read and I learned things from her even though she’s about 20 years younger than me.

Hello, just because we’re fat doesn’t mean we don’t want to have fun too. And that’s the whole reason I wanted to attempt a triathlon…being on the sidelines watching all shapes and sizes of men and women have fun…I wanted to have that fun too. I always had the impression that triathletes had to be super fit because of the *endurance* aspect behind the race, until I went to my first race with Kahuna. I was so in awe of the large people out there and every single person was having a blast! I have never seen so many supportive people either!

As an aside – because of Kahuna’s time, we hung out for the awards ceremony. We were diagonal from the finish line so I was watching the latecomers while we waited for the ceremony to begin and then waiting on Kahuna’s name to be called. Anyway those individuals who were finishing last, weren’t finishing alone. The volunteers were 90% Marines. Those Marines were practically surrounding those finishers and running in with them. It was so fun to watch. You could see the runners’ step it up a bit having that help and encouragement, but the one that brought pride to my heart, and tears to my eyes, was the very last runner to finish. A woman who was probably in the 39 and under group. Not only did she not have to finish alone but almost every one of the Marines who marked the path to the finish line fell in behind her, started running in formation, and started singing cadence all the way to the finish line. She had the biggest grin on her face, and I was jealous. She was DFL and I wanted to be her! So many people stopped what they were doing and turned toward that finish line and started cheering and clapping for her.

Back to some of the little things that are upsetting me lately:

In addition to the slow training I have to do in order to not hurt myself (more than I already have), I have a harder time of it because of the clothing situation. I know it’s mostly my own fault I’m the size I am but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be able to participate because of a clothing issue. In fact, one of my largest aggravations in the clothing area are the organizations, such as Danskin, that have their own triathlons, but don’t carry plus size triathlon gear, even though they carry plus sizes in their other active wear. Grrrrr.

And to cap it off:

Saturday, someone told me it wouldn’t count if I had to walk the run portion of the triathlon I’m signed up for. A woman who was in that conversation said it did, but it still hurt to hear those words come from someone I thought would support me 100% in my efforts. And no, I’m not planning on walking it, but that part of the conversation came after I discussed my fears about the bike portion because of the pain the old seat was causing. I said something like, I know I can swim the swim, and I know if I have to I can walk the run portion, but the bike scares me…then the comment about it not counting. Definitely put a damper on my enthusiasm for the event and try as I can here it is 2 days later and I still can’t get it out of my head. It also makes me wonder that even if I do complete that triathlon will I feel like I belong because of my size…never mind that I should belong because of my accomplishment.

Head demons suck.