The little things that have been bugging me

Warning – this blog is going to end in a rant 👿

I’m on my mini-vacation and right now I think I’m going to need a mini-vacation to recuperate. I had a ton of plans for the first 4 days and no plans at all for the last 2. The first 4 days (Thurs – Sun) included a Thursday night at Phantom of the Opera as a late birthday present from Kahuna, a Friday evening wedding/reception for a beautiful person, Kahuna’s Saturday sprint at Camp Pendleton (where he took 1st in his age group for the military division), tri-club network meeting that same evening, and movie and jazz concert Sunday afternoon/night. We had talked about going to the race track for Monday but the two of us are pooped from being gone every single evening and most all of the day Saturday and Sunday.

You notice there’s no mention of any training in there for me, right? All my plans went out the window. I thought I would be home more, but nope. However, today I took Silver out for a ride with the new-to-her fat-bottom girl seat and it was tons better. I’m definitely going to need some butter, but using the tri-shorts I was able to find in *Athena* size will be okay. I have been terribly worried that I was going to fail my first attempt at a triathlon because of that bike seat. I didn’t really admit how scared I was until I got on it this morning (and adjusted it about 3 times) and actually was able to take a quick ride around my neighborhood in less than 5 minutes.

The next thing I need to work on is what top to wear. I have found a sleeveless plus-size top, that zips up the front, but it has a collar so I’ve decided to order it and take it to a tailor to have the collar removed. I think doing that, plus wearing the tri-shorts I found at Aero Tech Designs, will allow me to not have to stress about what I’m wearing during the swim inside the wetsuit (which is another whole ball of worry).

I’d like to give a shout-out “thank you” to another triathlete for posting in her blog about a place to rent a wetsuit – but I can’t. (I’ll be calling them in a week or two to discuss what I’m looking for). So, why can’t I? Her blog was changed while I was on hiatus to ‘invite only’ and I could no longer read her posts. It seems some people just are so unkind to *fat* people and the comments she received caused her to make her blog by invite only and eventually completely delete it. It saddens me because she was an interesting read and I learned things from her even though she’s about 20 years younger than me.

Hello, just because we’re fat doesn’t mean we don’t want to have fun too. And that’s the whole reason I wanted to attempt a triathlon…being on the sidelines watching all shapes and sizes of men and women have fun…I wanted to have that fun too. I always had the impression that triathletes had to be super fit because of the *endurance* aspect behind the race, until I went to my first race with Kahuna. I was so in awe of the large people out there and every single person was having a blast! I have never seen so many supportive people either!

As an aside – because of Kahuna’s time, we hung out for the awards ceremony. We were diagonal from the finish line so I was watching the latecomers while we waited for the ceremony to begin and then waiting on Kahuna’s name to be called. Anyway those individuals who were finishing last, weren’t finishing alone. The volunteers were 90% Marines. Those Marines were practically surrounding those finishers and running in with them. It was so fun to watch. You could see the runners’ step it up a bit having that help and encouragement, but the one that brought pride to my heart, and tears to my eyes, was the very last runner to finish. A woman who was probably in the 39 and under group. Not only did she not have to finish alone but almost every one of the Marines who marked the path to the finish line fell in behind her, started running in formation, and started singing cadence all the way to the finish line. She had the biggest grin on her face, and I was jealous. She was DFL and I wanted to be her! So many people stopped what they were doing and turned toward that finish line and started cheering and clapping for her.

Back to some of the little things that are upsetting me lately:

In addition to the slow training I have to do in order to not hurt myself (more than I already have), I have a harder time of it because of the clothing situation. I know it’s mostly my own fault I’m the size I am but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be able to participate because of a clothing issue. In fact, one of my largest aggravations in the clothing area are the organizations, such as Danskin, that have their own triathlons, but don’t carry plus size triathlon gear, even though they carry plus sizes in their other active wear. Grrrrr.

And to cap it off:

Saturday, someone told me it wouldn’t count if I had to walk the run portion of the triathlon I’m signed up for. A woman who was in that conversation said it did, but it still hurt to hear those words come from someone I thought would support me 100% in my efforts. And no, I’m not planning on walking it, but that part of the conversation came after I discussed my fears about the bike portion because of the pain the old seat was causing. I said something like, I know I can swim the swim, and I know if I have to I can walk the run portion, but the bike scares me…then the comment about it not counting. Definitely put a damper on my enthusiasm for the event and try as I can here it is 2 days later and I still can’t get it out of my head. It also makes me wonder that even if I do complete that triathlon will I feel like I belong because of my size…never mind that I should belong because of my accomplishment.

Head demons suck.