I have been going through a lot of personal stuff lately and really didn’t want to blog about it in case doing so became influential over what decisions needed to be made. Very little of it has been *bad* so to speak, just *stuff* that needed dealing with and decisions needing to be made. Most of it has been drudge, like cleaning out closets and dressers and giving stuff away, decluttering (still) my office and other areas of my house, financial decisions, etc.
My *litmus test* was whether or not the thing I needed to make a decision over gave me joy. It made some of the decisions very easy to make when I allowed only that aspect of it to rule. So, what is my joy?
First and foremost Kahuna. I don’t think I would be able to breathe if something were to happen to him.
The puppies. They always know when I need a snuggle – and even when I don’t need one they are still always there to love on.
Son. Not so much joy in that department lately. He’s trying to put a lot of guilt on his parents right now and we’re not buying it, but it’s still been difficult for me to deal with.
Reading. I’ve been doing so much reading since I bought my Kindle. I absolutely love it and wag it with me everywhere! Usually the most reading I do though is during my lunch break at work and then 10-15 minutes here and there.
Riding my bike. New joy! I don’t get to ride it as often and I’d like but I can see me continuing to do so for a very long time.
Swimming. A born-again-joy. I loved swimming in high school and am so glad that I’m back to it. Again, I don’t do it as often as I’d like and am trying to change that.
Stitching. Not any joy here at all. And herein lies my major problem.
I cannot live my life without the joy that stitching brings. It is the most calming factor in my life and I have solved many a problem while stitching. I have sacrificed this major joy for the running-biking-swimming thing and now the joy of those things is slipping away. So finally this weekend I decided that after October’s race, I probably won’t do another triathlon (I cannot say ‘never’).
The running is okay by myself because I don’t have to focus on anything around me…just run. Biking I have to pay attention or get run over by someone who either doesn’t know, or refuses to believe, that cyclists have the same road laws as motorists. Swimming I have to pay attention or I breathe at the wrong time and then there’s that whole drowning thing. Biking and Swimming are not something I enjoy doing by myself because of the social and safety aspects of both. There’s no one for me to train with here and I find that I don’t enjoy it. No joy.
So I’m going back to being a volunteer at Kahuna’s races and will become a dedicated triathlete widow (I’m even going to buy the T-shirt that proclaims this!) and all-around jockstrapper. I’ll ride and swim as often as I’m able and I’ll get back to stitching! It was amazing how relieved I felt when I finally made *that* particular decision.